Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
