shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
