Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
