look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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