You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
