So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
