He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
how drunk are you?
Several
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
