Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
