Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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