You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
