I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
