it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
