If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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