Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Houston, we have a blender
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
