I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
