i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
