i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
