Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize