Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
