I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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