I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
