We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
