You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
