low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
