i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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