i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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