Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I will pee on everything he values.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
