Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
