It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
