I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
