omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
