I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize