Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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