No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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