i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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