You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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