P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
