Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
