What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
