Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
