just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
