honey bunches of taint.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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