oh god the rape fog is back!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
