Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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