grandma shit on top of the toilet
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
