I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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