I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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