got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
