another moral hangover. fuck.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
