Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
