I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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