I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
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im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
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That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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