i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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