Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
