Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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