I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
