meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
