i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
