At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
