I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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