Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Randomize
