So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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