I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
