I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
