The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
