Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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