If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
