I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
