I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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