Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
