why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My liver is preforming stress tests.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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