Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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