We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
