So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
