I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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