too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
