I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
