I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
