I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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