dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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