Small penises have feelings too.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
